The Birthday Blues Are Real: 3 Reminders That Helped Me Find My Way Back to Myself
Dear Peace Lovers
Last weekend I turned another year older. By all outward measures, it was a perfect birthday.
The winter sun was warm and the sky was impossibly blue. I had a refreshing dip in the ocean. I ate delicious food. I laughed with dear friends. I was showered with love, warmth, and generosity.
And yet, underneath it all, I felt unexpectedly sad.
Part of it was made harder by the contrast itself. Everyone was celebrating me. The day was beautiful. I had so much to be grateful for.
I should have been happy, right?
But instead, I felt utterly blue.
One of the things my NVC practice has taught me over the years is that feelings don't need to justify themselves before they are allowed to exist.
Sadness and grief don't disappear simply because our lives look good on paper.
As I sat with myself, I began to notice what was happening beneath the surface.
Part of it was, of course, the reflection that birthdays seem to invite. Another year has passed. Time is moving. Life is changing.
And part of it came from somewhere deeper and darker.
The truth is that despite spending more than fifteen years teaching work I deeply believe in, I still sometimes lose sight of my own value. I still compare myself to others. I still wonder whether I'm enough.
While I love teaching, coaching, and supporting people, running a small business requires a steady willingness to be seen. Continually putting myself out there can leave me feeling vulnerable, exposed, and surprisingly tender.
And so, on my beautiful blue birthday, an old jackal quietly crept in:
"You're not good enough."
Of all the thoughts I have, this is one of the hardest to hold compassionately.
For a while, I lost sight of my own goodness.
But slowly, gently, over the days that followed, I found my way back.
And so my birthday this year became less about celebrating achievements and more about celebrating something simpler:
The willingness to keep showing up.
To keep learning and loving.
To keep extending compassion toward myself whenever I lose my way.
And perhaps most importantly, to keep allowing myself to be held by the remarkable people in my life who remind me of my worth when I've temporarily forgotten.
With love,
❤️ Alex
When You Lose Sight of Your Own Goodness
As I found my way through the birthday blues, these were the three reminders that gradually helped me find my footing again.
Perhaps they'll be helpful to you too.
1. Don’t Believe Everything You Think
When we're tired, overwhelmed, scared, or discouraged, our inner critic often takes the microphone.
The voice might say:
You're not doing enough.
You're falling behind.
Everyone else has it figured out.
You're failing.
In NVC, we sometimes call these judgments "jackals" - harsh stories about who we are and what is wrong with us.
Left unchecked, they can inflict a kind of violence on ourselves that no external critic could match.
The judgments themselves are not the problem.
The suffering begins when we mistake them for the truth.
2. Look Beneath the Judgements.
The goal isn't to get rid of these thoughts.
In NVC, judgments are often clues pointing toward unmet needs.
"I'm not doing enough" might point to a longing for contribution.
"I'm not successful enough" might point to needs for sustainability, security, or purpose.
"I'm not enough" often reflects a deep longing for acceptance, belonging, or love.
When we connect with the needs beneath the criticism, shame begins to soften.
Instead of getting stuck in stories about what's wrong with us, we can begin moving toward what truly matters.
And from that place, new possibilities emerge.
3. Borrow Someone Else’s Eyes
This may be the most overlooked form of self-compassion.
Sometimes we simply cannot see ourselves clearly.
This is where trusted friends matter.
The people who remind us:
of our intentions
of our gifts
of the difference we make
of our humanity
We are not meant to carry life alone.
Sometimes compassion arrives through another person's voice before we can find it ourselves.
This birthday reminded me just how much I need those people in my own life.
And perhaps that's not weakness.
Perhaps it's part of being human.
Feeling disconnected from yourself or struggling with self-criticism?
My workshops, online trainings, and coaching are designed to help you build a more compassionate relationship with yourself and others. Explore my offerings and take the next step toward greater self-understanding and connection.