4 Easy Ways to Ruin Your Relationship (& What to Do Instead)

Sometimes the best way to learn what to do… is to look at what not to do.

In this playful but powerful post, I walk you through four common communication habits that quietly sabotage connection — and what to try instead if you're craving more ease, empathy, and mutual understanding in your relationships.

READ TIME: 3 minutes

Dear Peace Lovers,

I spend a lot of time talking about how to improve relationships through NVC… so I thought it was only fair to share some tried-and-true ways to ruin them instead!

If you're looking for a foolproof path to disconnection and frustration, look no further. These strategies are practically guaranteed to leave you feeling misunderstood, disappointed, and totally stuck.

1. Diagnose & Criticise

Labelling, criticising, and diagnosing others is a sure-fire way to get their defensive walls up — sometimes permanently.

Tell your kids how ungrateful they are. Call your partner unsupportive. Label your friend as oversensitive, or point out how incompetent your co-workers are.

Bonus points? You get to feel just as lousy as the person you’re criticising. And like a double-headed arrow, this one works just as well when you turn those labels on yourself.

2. Act Like You Have No Choice

This one’s gold. Make others responsible for your behaviour and problems, and play the victim in your own story.

Say things like, “You make me so angry,” or “I had no choice!” — and you’re well on your way to disempowering yourself and everyone around you.

It’s a brilliant way to build resentment and confusion.

3. Make Demands

Order people around and try to force them to do things they don’t want to do. Nothing kills connection quite like demand energy.

This technique is excellent for draining willingness and joy from any relationship. And the resentment or rebellion you’ll get in return? That’s just part of the deal.

4. Use the Threat of Reward or Punishment

Another classic! If you want to create an atmosphere of fear, lies, or distrust, try using a reward or punishment strategy.

Guilt-tripping, withdrawing love, or subtly (or not-so-subtly) implying consequences for non-compliance — all great ways to manipulate others and erode trust.

… But Seriously

If any of these sound painfully familiar, and you find yourself stuck in frustrating cycles with the people you care about… It might be time to try something different.

Save yourself a heap of suffering and come learn communication skills that actually make life more wonderful — for you, and for those around you.

With you on the journey,
Alexx